Mickey Mouse! or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Angry Asians Smashing an Expensive Camera.

A timeline of our day at The Magic Kingdom!!

(AM)
7:00 Alarm goes off. I spring out of bed, excited for what magical things are in store for me at “The Most Magical Place on Earth”. I am giddy.

7:20 Jackie is showered and ready in record time.

7:23 I am showered and ready. We wish each other a happy 5th anniversary. What a magical day already!

7:45 Courtney and Andy meet us for breakfast. We discuss what we will do at the park. Priority #1: Splash Mountain….. ASAP!!

8:10 We board bus for Disney World.

8:25 We arrive at Disney World.

8:30 We buy ridiculously priced tickets. I shed a tear.

8:35 We board a Monorail headed for the Magic Kingdom.

8:40 We arrive at Magic Kingdom gates….. Disney music plays over speakers..
… my heart races…..I can see Cinderella’s Castle….I am shaking in anticipation for the glory of Disney World….I scan my ticket at the gate….here it goes….I’m almost there!! Wait, what are all of these people standing in a huge group for? What? The park opens at 9:00!!?? I have to wait 20 minuets?? *sigh*

9:00 Gates Open. I am no longer excited.

9:12 “Splash Mountain” A few exciting drops, but the big one is still ahead. We go down the “big drop:. I scream like a little pansy. Hidden camera photo proves I am a pansy. Great ride though!

9:25 “Pirates of the Caribbean” Just like when I was a kid!! Yes!! However, pirates is not as cool as when I was a kid. I decide Ninjas are cooler.

9:50 “Mickey’s PhilharMagic” It’s a 3D/smell-a-vision/water-vision show. It’s good. Well worth the time.

10:10 “Haunted Mansion” Not as scary as when I was a kid, but still fun. Holds up better than pirates.

10:25 “Prince Charming Regal Carrousel” Yes, I rode it. As far as carrousels go, I assume its among the best.

10:30 “Stiches Great Escape” Walked right in. We walk into a round room with seats circling a large tube. We sit down and shoulder restraints are lowered. I see that Jackie’s are snug. I notice Courtney and Andy’s are also snug. I notice everyone’s are snug. Mine stopped about 6 inches above my shoulders. I begin to worry. I try pulling restraints down. They don’t budge. The show begins. I begin to panic. I hang on restraints, but they hold firm. Eventually they lower by themselves. I missed most of the show. The others say it was a very fun experience. Lots of little surprises.

10:45 “It a Small World” Now that I’m much older, I think it’s a teeny bit racist. There are a lot of stereotypes on this ride. This ride wasn’t done with us yet….

11:00 “Jungle Cruise” Guide uses puns. I love a good pun! His were not funny. Kinda boring ride. Too bad too, this was a favorite as a kid.

11:30 Lunch time. Andy, Courtney and I order a burrito. Jackie gets tacos. Food doesn’t want to go down. I franticly look for a restroom. I can’t find one. Food is creeping up my esophagus. No bathroom in sight. I see a trashcan. It’s a side-loader. Darn it. Food enters mouth. I no longer care that people might see me. I throw up behind trashcan. A terrified Spanish kid looks at me in horror. I laugh that I just barfed at Disney World. I laugh again that some college kid on an internship majoring in sports management will have to clean it. I am evil. On the bright side, I feel much better. I dry my eyes and see a sign for a bathroom about 20 feet from me. Note to Disney: don’t blend the sign for the restroom in with the background. I wouldn’t have blown chunks all over if the restroom sign was in contrast to the scenery.

(PM)
12:30 “Space Mountain” Wow. Roller coaster in the dark? Genius. Didn’t scream like a pansy. I’m now a tough-guy. That was a great ride. Jackie was a little worried about riding it, but she loves it too.

12:50 “Carousel of Progress” ZZZZZZzzzzzz. Told everyone how it was a show about Disney from beginning until now. It wasn’t. Don’t really know what it was about.

1:15 “Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin” Disney Ride + Video Game = This ride. I really enjoyed this one. You sit in a “space ship”. It’s on rails, but you are in control of a laser cannon and the left and right movement of the “space ship”. You shoot at targets throughout the ride. Andy easily had the best score.

1:25 “Mickey’s Toontown” This is a life-sized version of Disney Cartoons. Not really for adults, but it was still a very neat place.

2:00 “Peter Pan’s Flight” We ride a pint-sized pirate ship through the world of Peter Pan. It was cute.
2:15 “Snow White’s Scary Adventures” Short, slow ride telling the story of Snow White.

2:40 Shopping.

3:45 We want Pineapple Whip. We begin 33rd trip across the park.

4:17 We approach “It’s a Small World”. We hear an angry Asian man yelling from “Small World” line. He rips a camera out of the hands of one of his companions. Apparently the camera told bad joke. Probably a pun from the “Jungle Cruise”. Asian man goes HULK on camera. Camera smashes on street. Chaos ensues. Angry Russian sprints across the street and head-butts Angry Asian. That last part didn’t happen, but would have been awesome if it did. Scorecard: Angry Asian Man 1-----Camera-----0. Andy says camera’s lens was big, like $200 or more big. Camera is bigger than his too. “Expensive tantrum” someone says. We laugh.

4:30 Pineapple whips. Both Jackie and myself as well as Courtney and Andy had Dole Pineapple Whips in Hawaii during our respective honeymoons. They were fantastic. We joke about the smashed camera.

5:15 We eat supper. Jackie and I have Philly cheese steak sandwiches. Courtney and Andy have hamburgers. Everything was good. I announce to the group this is superior to the gag-inducing burritos. Group agrees.

6:30 “Splash Mountain: Take two”. Andy and I were ready for the camera this time. I give it a “Thumbs Up”, Andy does “Thinking Man”. Jackie is smiling. Courtney is mid-sneeze.

7:30 “Big Thunder Mountain” It’s a run-away train engine. A thrilling ride.

7:45-9:00 Shop.

9:00-9:40 “Disney’s Electrical Parade” See upcoming pictures.

9:50-10:50 Waited for 10:15 bus. They were late.

11:15 Arrive back at hotel.

11:17 Pass out.

-R